-sigh-

why does ryker have to be so freckin kute? and tempting? and mean (but in a different way than actually mean) he doesnt realize that he is being mean. he just is. since he doesnt know i am like madly in luv with him (even tho i think he is startin to catch up wit me)he keeps flirting with bree and that bother the crap outta me. she flirts back and doesnt even realize it! that bothers me too. the fact that i tell her and she tells me i try to make her feel guilty, when she knows i am completely in luv with him. and it bugs me. she is supposed to be my friend. so ryker keeps semi flirting wit me (and he used to flirt with me A LOT!) but he REALLY flirts with bree. and it hurts me everytime i see it. i feel like the one thing i have to hold onto is moving, and i am stuck with no where to go. he is the reason i wake up in the mornings. he is the reason i dont become freckin emo and start cutting myself. he is the one that makes me happy when all i wanna do is cry. and no one understands that even when i try to explain to them. so i have given up on that. so now it came down to this. i have to blod. cuz if i keep a journal, my mom will just read it and be like "oh i didnt know u felt that way. u can talk to me." or "why are u feeling this way? talk to me." and i dont want that. so now i right it all in here. anyways, back to ryker. he is almost exactly like justin (not in looks or anything but he acts a lot like him. but ryker is nicer to everyone) he flirts in a kute and playful way, he is freckin gorgeous(and yes u can use gorgeous for reffering to guys too), he cares about me, he makes me smile when i want to frown, he makes sure i am not ever sad, he is funny, and most of all, he makes me love him. he is the one guy i have been waiting for. the one guy to prove to me that they arent all the same. so now what? do i try to chase him and lose a friendship? or do i keeo my friendship by letting my friend steel my guy and lose my prince? i dont know which one to choose.....