-sigh-

why does ryker have to be so freckin kute? and tempting? and mean (but in a different way than actually mean) he doesnt realize that he is being mean. he just is. since he doesnt know i am like madly in luv with him (even tho i think he is startin to catch up wit me)he keeps flirting with bree and that bother the crap outta me. she flirts back and doesnt even realize it! that bothers me too. the fact that i tell her and she tells me i try to make her feel guilty, when she knows i am completely in luv with him. and it bugs me. she is supposed to be my friend. so ryker keeps semi flirting wit me (and he used to flirt with me A LOT!) but he REALLY flirts with bree. and it hurts me everytime i see it. i feel like the one thing i have to hold onto is moving, and i am stuck with no where to go. he is the reason i wake up in the mornings. he is the reason i dont become freckin emo and start cutting myself. he is the one that makes me happy when all i wanna do is cry. and no one understands that even when i try to explain to them. so i have given up on that. so now it came down to this. i have to blod. cuz if i keep a journal, my mom will just read it and be like "oh i didnt know u felt that way. u can talk to me." or "why are u feeling this way? talk to me." and i dont want that. so now i right it all in here. anyways, back to ryker. he is almost exactly like justin (not in looks or anything but he acts a lot like him. but ryker is nicer to everyone) he flirts in a kute and playful way, he is freckin gorgeous(and yes u can use gorgeous for reffering to guys too), he cares about me, he makes me smile when i want to frown, he makes sure i am not ever sad, he is funny, and most of all, he makes me love him. he is the one guy i have been waiting for. the one guy to prove to me that they arent all the same. so now what? do i try to chase him and lose a friendship? or do i keeo my friendship by letting my friend steel my guy and lose my prince? i dont know which one to choose.....

ryker

ok so i like totally like ryker. he is so kute! and i decided that i am going to go alll out flirting with him tuesday. i am going to be so noticeable people are gonna think i am a phony. haha. well i cant wait. here is my schedule:
morning before the bell rings- talk to him.
during class before recess- stare at him
at recess- hug him randomly
after recess- try to be near him as much as possible. stare like crazy
lunch- ALOT of stuff. hug, whisper randomly, be my charming self! (or kute self. charming is for bois)
after lunch- stare.. stare... stare!
before we leave- since his mom picks him up out back and i walk to the back, i will try to leave at the same time as him and walk with him and talk with him and be my wonderful flirty self!


and that is my schedule! fun huh! i know! i cant wait! haha well bye!

ryker

ok. so as u know i am like TOTALLY in luv with ryker. i try to get near him as much as possible, i flirt with him constantly (i guess. i dont know everyone tells me i do. so ya) and i always stare at him during class. i cant help but look into his gorgeous eyes. everytime i look at him, itz like i dont stop at just his face. itz like i look way down deep into his heart. i guess cuz thts where i want to be. right next to him. i know this is like a whole new episode of justin, but ryker isnt a player. as much as i wanted to deny it, i knew just was a player alll a long. but i know ryker isnt a player. sure he might seem a little heartless and may seem like a jerk, but once u get to now him, u realize that he really does care. he is just still stuck in that little kid mode. remember when u used to make fun of other kids cuz u liked em? i do. well he is still like that. except he doesnt always do it becuz he likes someone. sometime he does it for pure pleasure. but thats not most of the time. like one time i was laying on the grass and there was a little hill, and he actually grabbed my foot and started pulling me down! i was so shockedi almost screamed! but i started laughing...... i was so confuzzled of what i just did. i wanted to scream, yet i was laughing? it made no sense. that when i got a little scared. cuz i realized how much i really do love him.no matter what other people say about him, now matter how they jusge him, i will always look at him like my night in shining armor. the one that i want so badly to tell i like em, but i'm scared he wont like me back. hmmm. well right now we are becoming friends at least. cuz he cant date till he is 16 (blah!) so i have to wait like 4 more years till i can get a hold of him. or get a chance of getting a hold of him i should say. i want to be the one he thinks about when he is sad and i make him happpy. i want to be that one that he cant stand to be without. i want to be the one... that gets to hold him in my arms and tell him "i luv him".....